People Pleasing Prevents Happiness

People pleasing is often confused with “being nice.” People pleasing typically first develops as a form of self-protection. Since we can feel people’s disapproval, judgments and criticisms, we learn at a young age how to give people what they want to avoid the pain of their disapproval and disappointment. This turns into a vicious cycle of over-giving, overachieving, and overanalyzing our way through life. It also keeps people in your space who do not value the real you.

This is not being “nice”…it’s people pleasing:

Are any of these people pleasing behaviors familiar?

• Allowing people who haven’t changed back into your life
• Doing for others what they could do for themselves
• Going out of the way to accommodate people 
• Not asserting yourself when people are mean or disrespectful 
• Remaining silent when you have an issue
• Taking the blame
• Doing what’s best for everyone except yourself

A reminder of your rights:

Do you believe you have these rights?

• You have the right to say no without justifying your decisions to others.
• You have the right to protest treatment from others that feels bad to you.
• You have the right not to take responsibility for other people’s problems.
• You have the right to your own opinions, values and beliefs.
• You have the right not to respond to a situation.
• You have the right to feel and express your emotions.
• You have the right to sometimes let people down.
• You have the right to put yourself first.
• You have the right to communicate your needs.
• You have the right to ask for support.

If you live for people’s acceptance, you will die from their rejection.

If you need acceptance to feel safe, you will do everything you can to avoid the pain of rejection instead of understanding that it isn’t about you. Nothing is wrong with you. You get to be your authentic, real self whether people approve or not.

You are not going to be for everyone when you’re the real you. There will always be people who don’t like you. You could be the kindest, most giving, most helpful, most compassionate person and still some people will not like you.

But, the world is full of people who will love you fiercely for being you while also asserting your rights. These are your people. Don’t waste your heart and your time trying to convince people that you have value or that you’re a wonderful person. They will miss it. You are not for them and they are not for you. Seek and share yourself with those who recognize and value the real you.

“Don’t be afraid of losing people. Be afraid of losing yourself trying to please everyone around you.”-unknown