• boundaries and happiness

    What are boundaries and what do they have to do with happiness? When you have clear boundaries you understand that it is okay to say no, that it is not your job to fix others, that it is not your job to take responsibility for others, that you do not need to anticipate the needs of others, nobody has to agree with you, that you are responsible for your own happiness, that you have a right to your own feelings, that you are enough.

    These beliefs may seem foreign to you if you were raised without boundaries or with muddy boundaries. In order to be truly happy and live your life as authentically as possible, you have to adopt healthy boundaries for yourself. If you were taught to live without clear personal boundaries, it is common to feel uncomfortable, guilty, afraid, or confused as you begin shifting these beliefs.

    Examples of no boundaries vs. boundaries:

    I have to answer this call vs. I will call them back as soon as I can.

    I have to help by putting them first vs. I have to take care of my priorities and commitments first.

    I people please and can’t say no vs. I can have a different view and say no.

    I mold into whatever is needed and expected of me vs. I’m willing to be misunderstood.

    I blame, deflect, and project in an attempt to stay safe and remain stuck vs. I embrace my shadow self and am radically honest about how I behave.

    I am not connected to my inner world and seek external validation vs. I tune inward to see how situations, people, and interactions affect my energy.

    My purpose is hidden under co-dependence, care taking, and emotional addiction vs. I’m worthy of following my purpose regardless of what that brings up in others.

    Healthy boundaries allow you to take responsibility for yourself and let others take responsibility for themselves.

    Below is a personal bill of rights that comes from and creates healthy boundaries.

    Try reading these every morning to begin shifting your beliefs about yourself and your responsibility for other peoples’ feelings.

    I have the right to ask for what I want.

    I have the right to say no to requests or demands I can’t meet.

    I have the right to change my mind.

    I have the right to make mistakes and not be perfect.

    I have the right to follow my own values and standards.

    I have a right to all of my feelings.

    I have the right to determine my own priorities.

    I have the right to say no to anything when I feel I am not ready, it is unsafe, or it violates my values.

    I have the right to not be responsible for others’ behavior, actions, feelings or values.

    I have the right to be uniquely myself.

    I have the right to say, “I don’t know.”

    I have the right to be healthy.

    I have the right to my own reality.

    I have the right to my own needs for personal space and time.

    I have the right to be playful and have fun.

    I have the right to be wealthy.

    I have the right to be frivolous.

    I have the right to choose my work.

    I have the right to make friends and be comfortable around people.

    I have the right to change and grow.

    I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect.

    I have the right to a fulfilling sex life.

    I have the right to be happy.

    I have the right to take up space in the world and use my voice.

    I have the right to be really great at things even when it upsets others.

    Nobody can demand to know your mind or your business; what you share with others is determined by what feels right to you, not what they want.

    Healthy boundaries are necessary for an authentic, happy, aligned life. It is how we create the life we want versus the life others want from us or for us. In short, boundaries are how we happily live our own lives, regardless of whether other people like it. Others do not have the right to tell you how to think, feel, or what to do. Keep in mind that not everyone will like your new boundaries, you’ve gotta be okay with that. The same people who don’t like them are probably the ones who needed you to not have any in the first place.

    You are important.

    Your feelings are important.

    Your dreams are important.

    Taking care of yourself is important.

    Boundaries are the ultimate expression of self love. Are you ready to love yourself a little more?

    As always, enjoy this process. Enjoy stepping into your power and making yourself a priority. And be kind as you navigate these new waters, it takes time to relearn healthier habits.

    XO,

    Dana