The Power Of Rejection


Rejection is painful. In fact, rejection has been shown to cause physical pain and in brain scans affects the same area of the brain as does physical pain. Not only does rejection cause us actual pain, it can affect us psychologically and behaviorally. Sometimes we aren’t even aware of the power rejection has had on our sense of self-esteem and self-worth.

At some time or another we can remember being rejected. Some of these experiences were rather insignificant, some had a profound effect, and if there has been a pattern of rejection in your life it has most likely affected how you perceive yourself. The good news is that once you identify the power rejection had over you, you can absolutely move past it and create a positive sense of self-worth and increase your self-esteem.

The reason rejection feels so painful is that we tend to think something is wrong with us when we experience “rejection” but that is not it at all. Rejection is not what you think it is. What is interesting is that you were not in fact rejected, but you repelled. Listen closely, you get what you think about. So, if you have been feeling bad about something you really do want, doesn’t it make sense that it would go away?  It’s like saying I feel bad, so I will take more feeling bad. And when you feel “rejected” you feel worse. How you feel is creating your future, so it is important to shift your emotions as you notice that they are shifting to the negative.

If you are experiencing inner conflict about wanting something one minute and not wanting it the next, and it goes away now you know the the “not want” was just stronger. If you are in a relationship and someone wants you to change but you like how you are, can you see how the relationship might end? It is not that you are somehow flawed. It is not that you aren’t great enough to land your dream job, it is not that you did something wrong for your family to exclude you, it is just about what you are thinking and feeling.

Sometimes it is even that you are in such a good place that someone perceives you as “too happy” and they can no longer be around you or they find fault in this. I want to point out that there is no such thing as feeling too good, it is just a reminder to someone who hasn’t figured it out that they are not where they wish to be. It is not your fault they are not happy, never try to come down to their level. Some people reject others because they perceive them as more attractive, less attractive, a threat somehow, etc. It is important to understand that the fault they are seeing does not lie in you but in how they perceive their own self. You are not “too” anything. Keep doing your thing.

Also, if you are fearful of something happening, such as being rejected, in your attention to that fear of it happening, it often happens. You get what you think and feel about. If you fear the past recurring, it will. If you assume people will reject you, they will. It is time to shift your expectations to positive ones. What do you WANT to happen?

The silver lining to this is increased clarification. In the process of feeling “rejected” you can realize you actually repelled. You can see more clearly what it is you do in fact want. Now you can see where you need to increase your belief in yourself. Now you know how you view yourself in the world and how much power you believe yourself to have. You can gain an understanding about your belief systems from these experiences.

So what can you do to feel better?

You can start by consciously acknowledging that you are NOT flawed or wrong or terrible. You can begin to pull apart your belief system regarding the topic that you believe is responsible for the feeling of rejection. You can look for things that easily make you feel good and focus there for a little while. You can allow yourself to feel just how wonderful you really are and that everything you want is a definite yes! You don’t have to jump through hoops to get to the relationships, careers, money, opportunities, etc., you just need to believe in your own worthiness.

The next time you start questioning your self-worth or asking yourself why you weren’t good enough or what you did wrong, take a breath and remember what rejection really is. Then go do something that makes you happy and reminds you how wonderful you really are.

If you would like help moving past rejection or anything else that is holding you back from your dream life, request a free introductory coaching session here.





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