Why can’t I change? Have you ever wanted to change something but you can’t get enough momentum behind it? You feel like you have no willpower or you can’t seem to really care enough to do it, even if you know it’s better? Or you get started but after a little while you slowly fade out and revert to the old behaviors?
Why does this happen?
First thing that happens is that you have linked pain to the change and some level of comfort or pleasure to not changing. If you are getting some kind of pleasure or need filled by keeping the old behavior, you won’t change. If you see equal pain in the old behavior and the new behavior you feel like you can’t move, you’re frozen. You don’t know what to do!
So how do you alter this? You have to associate pain to the old behavior and pleasure to the new behavior. You can consciously do this by making a list of all the bad things that will happen if you do not change, and list the positive things you will gain by changing. If your why is powerful enough, you will change. The key is to link enough pain to not changing and enough pleasure to the change.
So once you do this how do you ensure it stays? You have to recondition yourself. You can try rewarding your new behavior each time you stay with it. The key here is immediate positive reinforcement. The minute you realize you consciously stayed in the new pattern, reward yourself. You can use whatever you decide, but make it consistent. If you understand new behaviors have to be conditioned you can keep yourself from quitting just because you experienced a setback. Give yourself time to let the new behavior become consistent and conditioned. Have a pocket full of rewards, keep your lists of why you want to change and you can even have someone help you be accountable. If you have to make an appointment, pay money, check in with someone, etc. you are more likely to stick to it. So find someone you trust, someone who will call you out on your BS and make the change happen! Once you truly commit that means there is no other possibility. Get yourself into that place and everything will line up for you.
You can do this!