Dana Gatto
Have What You Want
What can stop people from living their dream life? I am referring to having their ideal relationships, success, financial abundance, friends, a particular lifestyle, health, etc. Answer? How you think! Being stuck in victim-mode. You can have what you want, but you and only you have to believe and feel that. You have to take full responsibility for yourself and your life. What do I mean by that?
Victim-mode refers to a whole host of behaviors including blame, maim and complain, but for this article we are going to focus on justification, explanation, rationalization and defensiveness. (Look for an article on blame, maim and complain and how it, along with these, impact financial wealth next week).
We tend to think the answer to what we want is more action or to change our minds or the process or the specifics or have one more conversation. But what prevents us from having what we truly want is that we are not open and ready to receive it. In other words, we have become accustomed to victim-like thinking.
We think we need just a little more information about why it didn’t work before, one more person to agree with us, we need to be happy with what we have (I mean why should you want more…there are people with less than you), we need to justify ourselves, maybe I should change direction again, maybe I’m asking too much, and this list goes on and on. All of these thoughts come from having a victim-like mindset. A victim mindset is in direct opposition to being open and ready for what you want.
The 4 most common patterns that hold you feeling powerless to having what you want are as follows:
Justification
This is you needing other people to agree with you and what you want as right. As long as you need other people to see things your way you limit who you can be around and how free you are in your choices. You don’t need anyone else to agree with you. You and only you know the answer.
Explanation
When you feel like you need to explain yourself, you are trying to give your account in order to make it clear. However, you often lose your own connection in explanation because no one else really knows your reasoning for what you do, nor do they NEED to. You don’t actually have to explain anything to anyone. You and only you are in charge of you and your life. Do what you want to do, and keep making decisions from a place from connection. People are often not in a place to understand where you are coming from anyway. You cannot go wrong, so don’t let anyone tell you that you can. We are all learning as we go. And that person who wants an explanation was once trying to (or still is) figure it out too. Do YOU.
Rationalization
This is you trying to explain something you don’t want or like away. It could be something you did or didn’t do or something you experienced or did not get to experience…either way it keeps you from just accepting it, making a new decision if need be and moving on. It is what it is. Moving on.
Defending
This is the need to defend yourself from bad things, harm, what you don’t want, other people’s opinions, etc. People often train you to believe you have to defend yourself, especially when they make assumptions about you that aren’t true or don’t like what you have chosen to do. But here at Dana G Coaching we know that you get what you think about. So, if you’re thinking about or feeling defensive, you are creating more of what you do NOT want. This universe is based on inclusion. You get what you think and feel about. Period. So thinking about what you need to defend yourself from or feeling like you have to defend your position takes you away from the easy, comfortable, allowing, open person that you yearn to be. You don’t have to defend yourself to anyone. You don’t have to put up a guard. You just have to line up with what you want, and attract that. You have to feel OPEN to allow what you WANT. You can not be defensive and allowing at the same time. Stop defending yourself and start allowing. It feels sooooo much better.
Changing Your Patterns
Let go of all of these behaviors and focus on being open and allowing. This is how you have what you want in this life.
Practice saying things like:
I want it. Period.
I want to do it. Period.
I want a change. Period.
I want a more fulfilling job. Period.
I want more money. Period.
I want to be around genuine and honest and caring people. Period.
Notice how I don’t explain why. I don’t justify why I deserve those things. I don’t explain why I’m sick of the thing I want to change. I don’t defend my position. I just say, I want____.
The second part of this process is to focus on the emotions you want to feel at the end of receiving what you want.
For example:
-Free
-Open
-Comfortable
-Passionate
-Abundant
-Loving
-Supported
-Excited
This is the best possible use of your time towards living a life where you have what you want. Think the emotion, and then feel it. Decide what you want (which is things that you believe will feel the way you want to feel) and state it to yourself. Period.
Everything in your life is a reflection of how you think and feel.
Remember this mantra: I want it, I feel it, it is.
Spend the next week practicing this and let me know how it goes!
XO,
Dana
