Dana GattoCommunication in All Types of Relationships
How do you communicate in relationships with others? How do you and did you respond to your needs not being met?
Communication styles are very important in your romantic relationships, with family, friends, at work, as a parent; anywhere you are in contact with other people.
Often we learn these communication styles based on how our needs were met and not met. We do what we believe will allow us to have our needs met in some way. There are 3 styles that are recognized, only one of which is healthy for both you and those you interact with in your relationships. There is assertive, passive (or submissive) and aggressive. The great news about these communication styles is that you can learn how to be assertive in places you maybe have been passive or aggressive. Of course there is also a fourth style which combines both un-favorable communication styles. This style is passive-aggressive and it is a lose/lose for everyone involved. Read more about this style here.
Passive
- Your needs don’t matter
- Give in
- Not talking; not being or feeling heard
- Trying to keep the peace
- Allowing yourself to be bullied
- Not saying what you think
- Damages relationships-people respect you less
- Damages your self esteem
- Isolates from groups
- Agrees with others despite feelings
- Values self less than others
- Hurts self to avoid hurting others
- You’re ok, I’m not
- Does not reach goals
Assertive
- Your needs matter as much as anyone else
- Compromise
- Talking and listening
- Things are fair for both sides
- Standing up for yourself
- Express your point; clear and confident
- Enhances relationships-people know where they stand
- Builds your self esteem
- Participates in groups
- Speaks to the point
- Values self equal to others
- Tries to hurt no one (including self)
- I’m ok, you’re ok
- Usually reaches goals without alienating others
Aggressive
- Only your needs matter
- Take
- Talking over people
- Looking out for yourself
- Bullying others
- Can lead to shouting, aggression, violence
- Damages relationships-others do not like aggression
- Damages your self esteem
- Controls groups
- Only considers own feelings
- Values self more than others
- Hurts others to avoid hurting self
- I’m ok, you’re not
- Reaches goals but hurts others in the process
Where do your communication styles fit on these lists? Make it a goal to become more assertive in places where you have been passive or aggressive and watch your relationships flourish. Your style of communication is so very important because it positions how you view yourself in the world. It can make you feel less than or better than others, both of which are detrimental to having positive, loving, healthy, wonderful relationships.
XO,
Dana
