The Key to Lasting Happiness

What is the key to lasting happiness? The answer…personal responsibility.

What if I told you that you are only ever responsible for how you yourself feel. What if I told you that you can’t fix or change someone else’s feelings. What if I also told you that they are not responsible for how you feel either. How do you feel reading this?

Hopefully relieved! Maybe a little annoyed, but keep reading.

Think about it…if you are only responsible for your own emotions and as a result your own life, how freeing is that? You can say no. You can be who YOU want to be, not who others think you should be. It’s not always about YOU having to change. You can leave if you want. They can leave if they want. You can ask for what YOU want. You do not have to give up who you are to make someone else happy (it won’t work anyway). If they are upset, it does not mean you did anything wrong. You are not lonely because they left. You are not better than anyone, you sure as hell aren’t less than them either. Surrounding yourself with people who have lower standards does not actually make you better even if their lack of direction or goals makes you feel superior, you’ll still feel ultimately unfulfilled. You don’t have to right the wrongs of people around you. Everyone does not need to live by the same set of “rules.” What people do isn’t about you. Let them be. YOU can be YOU without anyone else changing.

Let me say this again. You can be you right now and you can focus on yourself. That’s right. You can focus your energy on understanding who you are, what you want, solving your own problems, taking your own direction, following your own dreams, loving people your way, doing what you want for people and what feels good to you only, you can live your life your way right now!

So if all of this is true why do so few people live this way? Because they give other people responsibility for how they feel and/or take responsibility for how others feel.

Think about this, have you ever spent a large amount of time trying to help someone with a problem, becoming engrossed in it, taking time away from your loved ones only for that person to completely ignore all your advice? Or have you tried to help someone financially only for them to be broke again 5 minutes later? Or do you listen to a friend talk about relationship problems over and over again and it drives you insane? If you are giving up your own happiness and peace in an attempt to help someone else feel better you are on the wrong track! You can not do it for someone else. You can not change someone else’s thinking and emotions, they have to do it. You can listen, offer suggestion and let them figure it out…but not at your expense. The only time you should ever and can ever actually help someone else is when you don’t take it personally. When you can help without it interfering with your own goals, emotions and values. When you are in a steady positive place.

On the flip side, no one else is responsible for your happiness. You can not expect others to change, to be at your beck and call or to give up their lives for you. They are not living their life for you. Because if they are…who is living for them? And looking for people who have problems or drama can be an addiction. Are you looking for people to “fix” because it has become your identity? This is a slippery slope because you may actually help keep these people in a powerless state in order to feel needed, and not truly help them.

So what does all of this mean? It means you have to care about how you feel and let others care about how they feel. It means puting on the oxygen mask first. It means never sacrificing yourself for others. There is a way to be happy and in-line with your truest self AND be a wonderful person to others. You just have to take responsibility for yourself and let those around you take responsibility for themselves as well.

Sit in a quiet space and re-connect with yourself. Ask yourself, what is it that I really want? What do I want to give? What things do I want to do.

Spend some time getting to know the real you. When you take others out of the equation, who are you? What kind of friend are you? What kind of parent? What kind of work do you love?

Can you imagine only being responsible for your own emotions? And not making others responsible for you?

It is SO freeing!!!

XO,

Dana