Dana GattoMy “fear of rejection” drove much of my action or lack there-of for much of my life.
Rejection.
What if they don’t like me?
What if this means they don’t like me?
Why don’t they like me?
How come they don’t they see that I’m great?
Why can’t they understand that isn’t what I did or meant or who I am?
Oh I’ll get them to like me.
To see me. To know how much value I carry.
They’ll see.
I’ll gain their acceptance. Their approval. Their love.
Whatever I need to do, I’ll do it.
I’ll push my values aside, I’ll keep trying harder, I’ll pretend to agree, I’ll lower my standards, I’ll tolerate, I won’t express my needs or make sure I feel safe and secure…I can’t risk their disapproval.
Who I really am, who I really want to spend time with and energy on, and what I want in life, that matters so much less than their approval.
Because if they don’t approve of me…something must be wrong with me.
The f-!?
What was that about?
What I was actually doing was rejecting myself at every turn.
Every time I didn’t express my true self, I was rejecting myself.
Each time I went along to get along, I was rejecting myself.
Every time I didn’t express what I needed or wanted or how I felt, I was rejecting myself.
Each time I kept relationships alive in order to have more time to gain their approval or acceptance after communicating and seeing no change, I was rejecting myself.
I was pushing myself further and further down.
Not everyone is going to like you, approve of you, or be able to give you what you need or want.
And it’s ok.
What really matters is that YOU accept you.
That you let you be you.
You accept what you want and who you are in all the areas of your life.
Accept what is important to you, what you want in all of your relationships, your career, financially, what you do with your time, for fun, how you live, how you be.
Allow yourself to say the things you want to say, to ask the questions you want to ask, to voice yourself and to be yourself.
To feel how you feel.
There are people who will absolutely love you for exactly who you are, for your opinions, lifestyle, for how you uniquely express yourself, who will respect your boundaries, needs, time, and energy.
The people who see the value in your unique perspective.
People who are a match to you emotionally.
The people who want similar things in and from life.
People who will respect you for being you.
And YOU better be one of those people for you.
When you accept yourself and express yourself you thrive.
It wasn’t that I was afraid of rejection, it was that I wanted to experience self-acceptance, and I wasn’t.
Accepting yourself, your dreams, your goals, and your perspective leaves little room to focus on those that don’t and the notion of rejection.
So go and fearlessly express yourself.
Own the shit out of yourself.
Step into your full self.
More focus on knowing who you are, what you want, and accepting that that is you.
Nurture the hell out of the relationship you have with yourself with everything you’ve got…because you are the one you’re looking for acceptance from.